Sunday, July 24, 2011

So Here We Go...

    Liquid diets suck ass. I haven't really started on it yet, and it already sucks. There is leftover pizza from Chilly Willy's in the fridge, but I can't have any. When they cut on your gastro-intestinal tract, the last thing they want to see is yesterday's lunch, so they put you on a clear-liquids-only diet, and make you drink some magnesium citrate. For those who don't know, magnesium citrate is pretty much guaranteed to get rid of yesterdays lunch, and anything else in your digestive actually comes with the admonishment, "Stay close to the bathroom". That should tell you all you really need to know.

   I'm also wondering why the hell pharmacies are so dang slow. I went and dropped off a couple of prescriptions. The guy behind the counter said, "let me make sure I've got these", and went to the shelves. a minute and a half later, he plunks them down and says, "OK, it will be at least an hour before I can have these ready..." The fucking things are RIGHT THERE! Hand them to me, I'll give you some money, and we're done! What's the holdup? {sigh} So I'll go back in a little while and pick them up, start drinking my Liquid Plumber for lunch, and stay close to the bathroom. Yay.

   What I'm giving up to do this: Solid food for about 8 weeks, the ability to grab something from a drive through and chomp it down on the run, the pleasure of drinking a cold beer with a hot, tasty pile of fried shrimp (or pizza, or a massive bacon cheeseburger), because you can't eat and drink at the same time, that stuffed feeling you get from a really big meal ...OK, maybe that one really isn't a sacrifice. And one more little thing - $15,000 out of my retirement fund. I won't have much use for it if I'm too dead to retire...still, I could have a lot of fun with that much cash!

   What I hope to gain in exchange; Some of life's minor little pleasures, like being able to walk, not having to pass up fun activities because I can't stand up for more than 5 minutes at a time, being able to wear normal clothes instead of the XXXXL crap that I wear now, taking a trip to Ship Island and going skin diving, wade fishing with rod and reel or cast net, actually doing some work around the house like fixing stuff and building things...the list goes on and on. Think about the normal everyday stuff that you do when you are not sitting down. Just anything you do on your feet, fun, work, or just routine crap...Now imagine that doing those things is a huge struggle, awkward as hell, and seriously painful. We ain't talking about moving boulders or roofing a house, we're talking about ordinary, everyday stuff like going to Walmart to pick up a prescription. THAT is the sort of thing I am doing this for, so I can do ordinary boring crap, and not be in pain while I struggle to get it done...

Walmart just called, my scrips are ready...coulda just given them to me an hour ago...assholes.

   NOTE: you never understand just how huge your belly is, until you try to shave that mountain...DANG! and magnesium citrate tastes fookin terrible.

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