Sunday, September 25, 2011

2 Months, Incredible Changes!

   On July 25th, at approximately 10 AM, a guy I barely knew strapped me down to a table, drugged the crap outta me, and cut out a chunk of my thing that ever happened to me! Over the next few days, I sipped a lot of chicken broth, popped a bunch of pain pills, and dropped a ton of weight. At the time I got trimmed, I was weighing in around 330 or so. In the post-op period, I lost at least 5 pounds a day for about a week. In the weeks that followed, that rate of loss slowed considerably. Nowadays, I am usually losing a couple pounds a week, and that's fine. I am actually stuck at about 276 right now - plateaued is the technical term. I haven't lost any weight for about a week. I am worried about that? No, not really...

   I may not be losing a ton of weight these days, but what IS changing for me is even more important - my capabilities. I can do shit now that I couldn't do before. For several years I was, for all practical purposes, a fat cripple. I was so limited in my mobility that I was simply not capable of doing ordinary things that most folks can do. That situation has changed drastically!

   For those who don't know, there are 2 kinds of pain. When you slam your thumb in the car door, when that Chinese food turns ugly and gut cramps bend you double, when a ricochet hits you in the face and knocks you silly, that is pain type 1. Type 1 pain is the body's signal that there is some fairly serious damage, and you probably should do something about it. I was in constant type 1 pain for several years. It was always there, the only variable was the severity at any one time...but it was always there. My knees, legs in general, lower back, shoulders, pretty much everything hurt, and it hurt more when I tried to exert myself. So I quit doing stuff...logical, right?

   These days, I am experiencing Type 2 pain...the kind of pain that signifies weakness leaving the body. I go to the gym at least 3 times a week, running on the elliptical trainer (easy on the knees), lifting weights, and swimming once a week. The pain I am in right now is muscular soreness from a truly earth-shaking event yesterday; I mowed the lawn. Using a regular walk-behind mower, I mowed our fairly small yards, front, sides, and back. Astonishing, right? I haven't been physically capable of cutting the grass in about 5 years, folks, for me, its a fucking miracle! And now, the pain of weakness leaving my body is in my thigh muscles, my calves, and my upper back muscles - it's GOOD pain, and I welcome it, because it means I am getting stronger and more capable day by day, week by week. Proof? You want proof, bitch? OK! I started doing the bench press machine using about 5 plates with a max of 8 plates, which is pretty goddam pathetic - the plates are only 12 pounds each. Thursday, I did 5 sets of 10 reps, using 9 plates, then worked up to a max of 15 plates...big improvement, even if it is still less than 200 pounds. The whole stack of plates is 250...when I can kill that, I'll move to free weights and progress from there. I used to try to do 5 minutes on the elliptical, and I was so proud when I made it that THAT is pathetic! These days I don't break a sweat for 5 minutes. I had to stop at 21 minutes tuesday - not because I was tired, but because I was running out of time and needed to get back to the lab. I'll be hitting 30 minutes tomorrow to work off the beer and pizza I had over the weekend. Don't go shaking your head - I used to drink 8 or 10 beers on pizza night, and eat at least 8 pieces of one night! This weekend, I think I have had 5 pieces and 5 beers, spread over 3 and pizza is kinda like a workingman's salary. It doesn't matter how much, what matters is how fast. We all get paid the same amount, just some of us get paid a lot faster and more and pizza is like that. Think about it, it'll come to you... Something tells me I have wandered off on a tangent here...

   So to recap...I used to be a fat, shambling, wheezing, pain-wracked cripple - now, I am a super-Adonis, with muscles of granite, beautiful beyond belief, with a stainless steel cock, and I smell like fresh baked chocolate chip cookies.... well no, not really, only in my deepest, most Narcissistic moments. In reality, I am becoming...wait for ordinary guy. WOOT! That is actually why I did all this, to become just an ordinary guy, capable of doing ordinary stuff, like cutting the fucking grass.

and every day gets a little bit better.

more before and after pictures coming soon.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Dear Diary - Week 7

about 286, 65 pounds down, 81 pounds to go. Down at least 4 inches in the waist. Even my feet are smaller.

OK, so it's been seven weeks since I got trimmed. Let me see if I can answer some of the more common questions I've had...

No, I didn't have gastric bypass, I had a relatively new procedure called a Gastric Sleeve. It takes your large, bag-shaped stomach pouch, and makes it into a tube about the size and shape of a banana.

There is a triple line of titanium staples holding the cut edges of the stomach together. Yes, they are permanent. No, I can't feel them, although if I eat too much, I know immediately, cuz it does hurt a bit. Yes, they removed the other part of the stomach...probably fed it to the dog, I don't know, and I don't care. It woulda made a cool ammo pouch, though, or maybe a hat.

I go to the can about once a week. No big deal, can't say I miss all of the gut cramps, constipation, and the screaming shits that I used to suffer from...there are other places to read a gun magazine.

Regrets? Absolutely none! If I can only munch down a dozen crawfish and one little piece of sausage at the next crawfish boil, I'm pretty sure that'll be just fine...a tiny price to pay for the huge changes in my life. All new wardrobe? Cool, I won't have to shop in the Fat Ass section, I can just buy normal clothes off the rack. The money I spent? Well, I coulda had alot of fun with that money, but I would have been a miserable, pain-wracked, fat bastard while I was having that fun, so maybe it wouldn't have been so much fun after all...($15,000, worth every penny).

Yes, I can still have adult beverages. Beer is kind of wasted on me. I can't handle all the carbonation. You get a big, beery belch, I get pain...that's why I drink Tennessee's finest, or Scotland's finest, or Russia's finest. Oddly enough, I only drink about one third as much as I used to. Less body mass to soak up the ethanol, plus the pipes are straighter, so it goes into the system drink is fine, 2 is plenty, thanks!

Everything is better when you aren't huge. I feel better from the moment I wake up to the time I slide into bed for the night. I walk better, sleep better (no more CPAP!), I'm stronger, more flexible, have less back pain, leg pain, foot pain, etc. I can feel muscles under the skin where before all I could feel was flab. I can actually feel individual ribs, and I have cheekbones. The light has to be at just the right angle, but I can see 'em now.

Hungry? Sure, I still get hungry, several times a day. I usually eat 4 meals a day, sometimes as many as six meals a day, but you need to understand that for me, a meal will fit in the palm of one hand, literally. I had a cheeseburger a couple days ago. I ate half of it for lunch, the other half for first supper. It wasn't some giant 9 dollar burger like some places serve, it was just an ordinary burger, kinda puny, really...and it was 2 full meals. Damn that thing tasted good! Here's a secret I have learned; food is delicious only for the first few bites. The more hungry you are, the better the food tastes. After that, it is still good, but less and less, until you get to the end of the dish. By the time you get to that last bite, you are eating just because it's there. I still enjoy those first few bites, but then I'm full. In effect, I am enjoying my dinner much more than you are enjoying yours.

Exercise? Hell yeah! I am actually enjoying going to the gym, burning calories, pumping iron, swimming, etc. I still don't enjoy the view in the shower room...LOL! There is a huge mirror right in front of the shower stalls, so you see just what you look like when you step out of the shower - it ain't pretty, but it's getting better every week. What did you think I meant, you degenerate? Damn pervert...

My back is still screwed up. The vertebrae are out of alignment at the base of my spine. Losing weight helps a bunch, but those bones are still lined up wrong, and probably always will be. Better, but still screwed up. I still can't go on a 4 hour hike in rough terrain (or any kind of terrain) because I still have pinched nerves back there, but it's still alot easier to get around.

Yes, people notice I have lost a ton, and they seem genuinely pleased for me...and some of my larger friends seem curious in a personal sort of way...yes, I encourage you to look into it, my fat friends, there is no real reason to wait. Being fat sucks, do something about it.

Oh yeah, by the way, being fat is hell on your love life. Losing a ton makes that a bunch better too. (wink, wink, smirk). What are you waiting for?

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Worth a Thousand Words

So its been about 5 weeks since my procedure, maybe 7 weeks since I started this's time for a few Before and After pics, don't you think?

Here are a few from before...

This one is from about a week before I got trimmed...

and this one is from several years ago...poor horse! I hope they gave her a day off after this.

This one is from about 3 years ago, at a pistol match. Despite the constant pain, I actually had a good time...but I would have had a better time if there were less of me. Dang, look at that huge, nasty gut...awful!

 Here is a picture of my shooting instructor...lightning fast and a great shot, with a terrific sense of humor to boot. You da MAN, Obi-Wan! (He's not fat at all, is he?)

Here I am on one of our lunchtime rides...large and sloppy, I was probably the biggest guy in the joint at the time.

This is me, the afternoon after the good Doc cut my guts out, holding a teddy bear on my biggest incision and blowing into some sort of lung exerciser..."There's no milkshake in this thing!" Still not sure what that was all about....

and here I am, at work today, walking fine and looking...less fat than I was before! Same shirt, different tonnage.
It may not look like it, but I am WAY happier than I have been in a long damn time...and it's just gonna keep getting better, folks!

I'm at 289, down from 351, with only 84 pounds to go...I would say "Piece of cake!" but that isn't on my diet plan. Honestly, I don't miss that sort of junk food at all. I'm too busy looking forward to all the cool stuff I'm gonna do in the near future...

More soon, so stay tuned!

BTW, here's a pic of the cutest kid in the whole world.