Friday, July 15, 2011

I Would KILL for a Pizza Right About Now...

   I am in the pre-op prep stage right now. One thing I didn't know was that, to perform laparoscopic surgery, the surgeon needs a little extra room to move around in there. They don't just flay you open and slice away, they poke small holes here and there, and operate through those small holes. Kinda like changing the spark plugs in your car, and going in through the radiator grill, or maybe the wheel well. Another thing I didn't know was that, with really fat folks, like me, the liver is actually fat. When you first start losing weight, the liver is the first part of the body to shed that fat. You need to lose some weight to allow the surgeon to perform the weight loss surgery you need to lose weight, so the liver will shrink a bit, and get out of the way. So here I am, trying to lose about 25 pounds or so, so the good doctor will be able to get my fat liver out of the way so he can chop out most of my stomach...dieting sucks! I'm eating high-protein, low carb, low fat food, as little of it as possible, and working out 3 or 4 times a week. So far I have managed to lose about 15 pounds or so. I'm pretty confident I can lose the rest, about 8 pounds in 10 days, but it ain't easy. No booze, no beer, no pizza, no pasta, absolutely no sweets (no problem, I hate sugary stuff, except chocolate chip cookies), and no pizza. Did I say no pizza? I did, didn't I?

   When I was in college, I worked night shifts at a couple of pizza joints. I waited tables for a while, then moved to the kitchen. I learned a few things working at those pizza joints. One, waiting tables sucks! I was a terrible waiter, hated every minute, and will always treat my waiter/waitress with real respect. It is a tough, thankless, hectic job, AND you are forced to be polite to assholes, lots of assholes. Any problem with any aspect of the meal, the room, even the other diners, and the assholes take it out on the waiter every time...I will NEVER be an asshole to a server in a restaurant. I also learned about cooking production line style. It is hot, hectic, demanding, unrelenting, and by the end of your shift, you are covered in food grease and debris, and your feet are fucking killing you.

   For a few months there, I still liked pizza, but after a while, I got to the point where I couldn't stand a single bite of the stuff. I would eat anything but pizza. I ate a lot of salad, made some unusual pasta dishes, and I was always willing to trade some pizza for some fried fish from the Long John Silvers next door. Anything but pizza! This lasted about 6 months, until one day, someone called in an order, I made the pizza, and he cancelled it as I was taking it out of the oven - like I said, dealing with a fucking asshole! So there I was with a fresh, hot pepperoni and pork sausage pizza, and no customer. I looked at it, tried to give it to the other cooks, tried to give it to a waitress, nobody wanted it. So I said, "what the fuck", and I took a bite. It was delicious! Hot, savory, cheesy, tomatoee (is that a word?), it was awesome! I ate every scrap of the damn thing, and I have loved pizza ever since. We even have Friday nite pizza feast here at the house. I think I will miss chowing down on pizza as much as I will miss anything else. I'll still be able to eat it and enjoy it, just very little of it at any one time. I think it is a small sacrifice to make, but as of right now, with all of my hunger still  intact...well, it's friday nite, and no fucking pizza for my fat ass, no sir! I am determined to make this work, and to shed some serious tonnage over the next year...but I will miss the Friday nite pepperoni fests.

   It'll be worth it, I'm sure.

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