Monday, September 5, 2011

Dear Diary - Week 7

about 286, 65 pounds down, 81 pounds to go. Down at least 4 inches in the waist. Even my feet are smaller.

OK, so it's been seven weeks since I got trimmed. Let me see if I can answer some of the more common questions I've had...

No, I didn't have gastric bypass, I had a relatively new procedure called a Gastric Sleeve. It takes your large, bag-shaped stomach pouch, and makes it into a tube about the size and shape of a banana.

There is a triple line of titanium staples holding the cut edges of the stomach together. Yes, they are permanent. No, I can't feel them, although if I eat too much, I know immediately, cuz it does hurt a bit. Yes, they removed the other part of the stomach...probably fed it to the dog, I don't know, and I don't care. It woulda made a cool ammo pouch, though, or maybe a hat.

I go to the can about once a week. No big deal, can't say I miss all of the gut cramps, constipation, and the screaming shits that I used to suffer from...there are other places to read a gun magazine.

Regrets? Absolutely none! If I can only munch down a dozen crawfish and one little piece of sausage at the next crawfish boil, I'm pretty sure that'll be just fine...a tiny price to pay for the huge changes in my life. All new wardrobe? Cool, I won't have to shop in the Fat Ass section, I can just buy normal clothes off the rack. The money I spent? Well, I coulda had alot of fun with that money, but I would have been a miserable, pain-wracked, fat bastard while I was having that fun, so maybe it wouldn't have been so much fun after all...($15,000, worth every penny).

Yes, I can still have adult beverages. Beer is kind of wasted on me. I can't handle all the carbonation. You get a big, beery belch, I get pain...that's why I drink Tennessee's finest, or Scotland's finest, or Russia's finest. Oddly enough, I only drink about one third as much as I used to. Less body mass to soak up the ethanol, plus the pipes are straighter, so it goes into the system drink is fine, 2 is plenty, thanks!

Everything is better when you aren't huge. I feel better from the moment I wake up to the time I slide into bed for the night. I walk better, sleep better (no more CPAP!), I'm stronger, more flexible, have less back pain, leg pain, foot pain, etc. I can feel muscles under the skin where before all I could feel was flab. I can actually feel individual ribs, and I have cheekbones. The light has to be at just the right angle, but I can see 'em now.

Hungry? Sure, I still get hungry, several times a day. I usually eat 4 meals a day, sometimes as many as six meals a day, but you need to understand that for me, a meal will fit in the palm of one hand, literally. I had a cheeseburger a couple days ago. I ate half of it for lunch, the other half for first supper. It wasn't some giant 9 dollar burger like some places serve, it was just an ordinary burger, kinda puny, really...and it was 2 full meals. Damn that thing tasted good! Here's a secret I have learned; food is delicious only for the first few bites. The more hungry you are, the better the food tastes. After that, it is still good, but less and less, until you get to the end of the dish. By the time you get to that last bite, you are eating just because it's there. I still enjoy those first few bites, but then I'm full. In effect, I am enjoying my dinner much more than you are enjoying yours.

Exercise? Hell yeah! I am actually enjoying going to the gym, burning calories, pumping iron, swimming, etc. I still don't enjoy the view in the shower room...LOL! There is a huge mirror right in front of the shower stalls, so you see just what you look like when you step out of the shower - it ain't pretty, but it's getting better every week. What did you think I meant, you degenerate? Damn pervert...

My back is still screwed up. The vertebrae are out of alignment at the base of my spine. Losing weight helps a bunch, but those bones are still lined up wrong, and probably always will be. Better, but still screwed up. I still can't go on a 4 hour hike in rough terrain (or any kind of terrain) because I still have pinched nerves back there, but it's still alot easier to get around.

Yes, people notice I have lost a ton, and they seem genuinely pleased for me...and some of my larger friends seem curious in a personal sort of way...yes, I encourage you to look into it, my fat friends, there is no real reason to wait. Being fat sucks, do something about it.

Oh yeah, by the way, being fat is hell on your love life. Losing a ton makes that a bunch better too. (wink, wink, smirk). What are you waiting for?

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