Sunday, September 25, 2011

2 Months, Incredible Changes!

   On July 25th, at approximately 10 AM, a guy I barely knew strapped me down to a table, drugged the crap outta me, and cut out a chunk of my thing that ever happened to me! Over the next few days, I sipped a lot of chicken broth, popped a bunch of pain pills, and dropped a ton of weight. At the time I got trimmed, I was weighing in around 330 or so. In the post-op period, I lost at least 5 pounds a day for about a week. In the weeks that followed, that rate of loss slowed considerably. Nowadays, I am usually losing a couple pounds a week, and that's fine. I am actually stuck at about 276 right now - plateaued is the technical term. I haven't lost any weight for about a week. I am worried about that? No, not really...

   I may not be losing a ton of weight these days, but what IS changing for me is even more important - my capabilities. I can do shit now that I couldn't do before. For several years I was, for all practical purposes, a fat cripple. I was so limited in my mobility that I was simply not capable of doing ordinary things that most folks can do. That situation has changed drastically!

   For those who don't know, there are 2 kinds of pain. When you slam your thumb in the car door, when that Chinese food turns ugly and gut cramps bend you double, when a ricochet hits you in the face and knocks you silly, that is pain type 1. Type 1 pain is the body's signal that there is some fairly serious damage, and you probably should do something about it. I was in constant type 1 pain for several years. It was always there, the only variable was the severity at any one time...but it was always there. My knees, legs in general, lower back, shoulders, pretty much everything hurt, and it hurt more when I tried to exert myself. So I quit doing stuff...logical, right?

   These days, I am experiencing Type 2 pain...the kind of pain that signifies weakness leaving the body. I go to the gym at least 3 times a week, running on the elliptical trainer (easy on the knees), lifting weights, and swimming once a week. The pain I am in right now is muscular soreness from a truly earth-shaking event yesterday; I mowed the lawn. Using a regular walk-behind mower, I mowed our fairly small yards, front, sides, and back. Astonishing, right? I haven't been physically capable of cutting the grass in about 5 years, folks, for me, its a fucking miracle! And now, the pain of weakness leaving my body is in my thigh muscles, my calves, and my upper back muscles - it's GOOD pain, and I welcome it, because it means I am getting stronger and more capable day by day, week by week. Proof? You want proof, bitch? OK! I started doing the bench press machine using about 5 plates with a max of 8 plates, which is pretty goddam pathetic - the plates are only 12 pounds each. Thursday, I did 5 sets of 10 reps, using 9 plates, then worked up to a max of 15 plates...big improvement, even if it is still less than 200 pounds. The whole stack of plates is 250...when I can kill that, I'll move to free weights and progress from there. I used to try to do 5 minutes on the elliptical, and I was so proud when I made it that THAT is pathetic! These days I don't break a sweat for 5 minutes. I had to stop at 21 minutes tuesday - not because I was tired, but because I was running out of time and needed to get back to the lab. I'll be hitting 30 minutes tomorrow to work off the beer and pizza I had over the weekend. Don't go shaking your head - I used to drink 8 or 10 beers on pizza night, and eat at least 8 pieces of one night! This weekend, I think I have had 5 pieces and 5 beers, spread over 3 and pizza is kinda like a workingman's salary. It doesn't matter how much, what matters is how fast. We all get paid the same amount, just some of us get paid a lot faster and more and pizza is like that. Think about it, it'll come to you... Something tells me I have wandered off on a tangent here...

   So to recap...I used to be a fat, shambling, wheezing, pain-wracked cripple - now, I am a super-Adonis, with muscles of granite, beautiful beyond belief, with a stainless steel cock, and I smell like fresh baked chocolate chip cookies.... well no, not really, only in my deepest, most Narcissistic moments. In reality, I am becoming...wait for ordinary guy. WOOT! That is actually why I did all this, to become just an ordinary guy, capable of doing ordinary stuff, like cutting the fucking grass.

and every day gets a little bit better.

more before and after pictures coming soon.

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