Thursday, February 9, 2012

Physical Therapy Sucks...

but not for the reasons you might assume.

Six and a half months, stuck at 243 pounds, down 108 pounds, and limping from knee surgery.

     The knee-bone doctor did his thing, cleaning up a good bit of damage in my left knee. He said I had torn and frayed cartilage, a pretty bad bruise on the end of my thigh bone, water on the knee, and tendonitus. All I know is, it hurt a whole bunch before, and it still hurts but not as much, and hurts less every week. He prescribed six weeks of physical therapy, which is about what I expected, so I started last week - and it isn't what I expected at all!

    I was very athletic when I was younger, and have always worked hard in the gym and on the field. When lifting weights, I always try to lift to the point of failure, always pushing, striving, working to get that last bit of effort into the iron. It has always been my belief that pain is simply weakness leaving the body, that I can do more than I am currently doing, that I am capable of digging down deep and coming up with that inner strength...and that is exactly what I CAN'T do during therapy! My therapist is a very smart cookie who really knows his stuff. I understand the reasons he tells me to take it easy, don't push, be patient. "You are not working out, you are in therapy, you are not trying to get stronger, you are trying to heal." I understand, I get it, I see the logic, if I push too hard I can do some seriously permanent damage...but it is still driving me nuts! For a few weeks there, I was running, hiking, walking, moving, and it felt so good after being crippled for so long. Now, I'm crippled again, if only for a while. I feel like I was let out of a cage, only to be tossed right back in again as soon as I was getting used to the freedom - and to be blunt, that feeling fucking sucks!

    So for now, I'll hold back, and not push it. I'll stop myself from digging deep and striving for excellence, I'll shut the fuck up and do as I am told, and strap my icepack to my leg when it is sore, and be a good little therapy patient...and I'll hate every minute of it.


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